National is going to get our country back on track ... with the implication that someone else took our country off whatever track it was supposed to be on. And supposing that it is possible to do something in an election term that might result in our regaining the theoretical track. Seems like a pretty standard conservative slogan. National looks like a party of large-faced white people who like blue.

Labour is in it for you. As opposed to them? Or me? And what is 'it'?  It could be replaced by a four letter word ending in 'it' describing Labour's current situation. Labour looks like a party of middle-aged white men who like red. I want to know who thought Chris Hipkin's weird grin was a winner.

The Time is Now, according to the Green Party. Not bad as a call to action. Although, does this mean the past election was not the time to vote Green and the next election might not be, either. Is it only sometimes the time to vote Green? The Green Party has a standard white middle-aged man and a Māori woman. The man vacillates between blue and green while the woman likes green. Might the man therefore appeal to blue-lovers?

ACT suggests you vote for real change. Again, not bad as a slogan. However, David Seymour has a worse expression on his face than Chris Hipkins, like he was pressing his lips together, someone asked him to smile and he got caught halfway in between. The pink background, mirrored in David's tie, in reminiscent of Fonterra trucks. For me the middle-aged white man with a pink tie and the long-haired woman in a blue suit that reminds me of shop uniforms is a boringly obvious role reversal in colour.

NZ First, aka the Winston Party. Winston has come out of his coffin for the election – I am adamant he is a vampire given how his age apparently never changes – but he has changed his suit. NZ First is a step more conservative than National – who are we taking our country back from? When did they get hold of it? Was it while Winston was out of government and he could have prevented it if he was there? Blue or red-lovers can vote for Winston.

NZ Loyal - who are they? They are Loyal to You, Not Them. That's nice. It's a bit like 'In it for you' but with more emphasis. I had to look up NZ Loyal and I'll leave you to do the same if you are interested. As a short synopsis, they are about 'New Zealanders Taking Back Their Power' (who does that sound like?) and they will 'Stop Giving Your Money Away'. They do have both a man and a woman depicted, although escaping middle-aged people appears to be hard.

I should have been quicker off the mark in recognising the face of Freedoms New Zealand. I also got a bit confused by the number of names of entities on the posters - according to the website they consist of four entities which are 'umbrella parties and affiliates'. I do wonder when 'Then' was and why their standing at that time was important. Freedoms NZ do get points for the most women depicted of any of the parties and the most Māori. Also for a raft of colours - four different colours between the two posters, although blue is a strong theme.

Having looked at all the slogans, cynicism leaps back to the fore of my brain and I think, "Who cares." Anything promised will be a will-of-the-wisp that is never reported on come the next election. Shouldn't we be voting for people and parties based on past performance, not future promises, given that past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour? Where are the scorecards of how parties have delivered on their election promises over the years? At this point, all I can promise myself is that I will vote, because I'm lucky to live in a country that allows me to vote and one should never throw away freedoms that others might envy.

This was one of the funny possibilities for new New Zealand flags. Right now it seems more appropriate than funny.