Why do we make ourselves do hard things (as something slightly different from working hard)? I'm not  sure. A human condition? Doing hard things, for me, is an impulse very similar to wanting to make a seagull gate.

'Hard', of course, is relative to the person and situation. I'm not going to suffer greatly if my performance of playing my song while playing the cello doesn't work well. The 'hard' for me is wanting to do something I'm not sure I can do, be that playing cello and singing, skiing down a steep slope that makes my stomach churn, designing a house or writing a novel.

All of these activities are part of a life process – I didn't sit down as five year old and try to design a house (though I did try to write a book and made it to 50 handwritten pages of 'The Princess' but then gave up). First you learn one thing, like learning to play the cello, then you learn something else, in my case songwriting and singing over the last four years. Then you wonder if you can combine the two.

When I talked with fellow musicians about singing while playing cello they were not so convinced it is possible to sing and play and the same time – something like rubbing your stomach while patting your head. Of course, lots of people sing while playing piano or guitar. However, the big difference with a non-fretted stringed instrument is you have to get the right note while also doing two different actions with your hands and arms. That can feel like one complexity too many. However, when I went online, of course there are people who play the cello and sing. I'd hazard a guess that whatever strange activity you can imagine, you can probably find someone who has done it and filmed themselves doing it. This is somewhat sad because you will never feel like the only person to do something. However, the point of the exercise is not whether someone else can do it, it's whether you can do it. After seeing other singing cellists, I was more convinced I should try. And I've never had I, "I can't do that," regulator in my head. I have a light bulb that says, "Why not?"

I think I got a head start on singing with the cello because I spent years playing in the Primary and Secondary Schools' Orchestras which included playing with choirs. The cello part was often so easy I was bored while playing it (it's a perpetual grouch for cellos - why do violins always get the tune?).  I would memorise my part. I'd watch the conductor the whole time to increase the challenge and prevent boredom. That still didn't work. What next to keep my brain engaged? Sing, of course! I would happily sing along with the choirs. I continued this when playing for musicals – singing enthusiastically in the orchestra pit in the confidence I wouldn't be audible to the audience.

 It took a few months of cello+singing practice before I was ready to perform in public. First, I had to adapt two of my songs to being played on the cello (a challenge to come will be writing songs specifically to sing with the cello). Then I had to improve because my cello playing is a long way off where it was in my teens, given I had an approximately forty-year hiatus, recommencing cello earlier in 2024. I envy the open mic performers who get up and say, "I wrote this song last night," then belt it out. Actually, I don't envy them because I would be so nervous I wouldn't be able to perform the song with any degree of competence.

The feedback at the open mic for cello+voice was really positive. I'm pretty sure it wasn't only because a singing cellist is a novelty at the Queenstown open mic (despite there being singing cellists online, I haven't seen one at an open mic yet). Something really interesting was how comfortable I felt. Playing the cello and singing feels like an integrated whole. In contrast, I feel I sing alongside my guitar, rather than with my guitar. The guitar provides a background while I deliver the song. With my cello, both the cello and my voice are delivering the song. Despite my rusty skills, I felt far more confident about performing than I do with the guitar – no open mic nerves.

I probably don't need another hard musical thing right away – I could stick with improving cello/singing/songwriting as I have a long way to go. However, one of those players on the web has a strap so he can walk around playing the cello...now that would be interesting!